Sad

I have honestly tried to make all of my blogs fairly happy and positive, but I now need to pull on the therapuetic advantages of a blog. I'm really down tonight. I didn't think Mother's Day coming would be that hard. I just planned to ignore it like I have with all of the other holidays since Caleb died. but this one is hitting me harder than I thought it would. There's no way when we celebrated last year that I had any idea I wouldn't have one of my sweet boys with me a year later.

I really do trust God that his way is best. I can't say that I agree or would chose to have things go the way they have, but I choose to trust his infinite wisdom.

I just miss him so darn much. I told Matt the other night that it's getting harder to remember specifics about him. There are things I will always have ingrained in my mind, but the day to day mannerisms and stuff like that are getting a little harder. Makes me wish I had just follwed him around with a video camera for a couple of days -- just reguar ordinary days. And it's hard to find the balance between thinking about things a lot to remember but not too much so that you can't function.

If you read this, thank you for caring and keeping up with my journey. My family and I could still use your prayers. Please also pray for my friend, Barb, and her daughter, Kate, who lost their mom/grandma today.

-sigh-

I sincerely hope you enjoy time with your mom/kids this Mother's Day. God is so good to give us each other...