Two years...

“You can shed tears because he is gone,

or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

My sweet, little friend, Emily Kopp, had that on her myspace with Cub's picture. I'm not sure where it came from; if it's a lyric to a song or a poem. I just know I liked it.

Yes, today marks two years since the car accident that ended our son, Caleb's, life at the age of ten. It's still a painful fuzz even after so much time and so many events. I have a lot on my heart today so, if you wish to ride along today, hang on.



Is Caleb still ten years old in heaven or has he celebrated the last two birthdays and turned twelve? Does he still like to skateboard, play soccer and draw pictures like he did here? Does he get to hang out with all of our relatives that have already passed on? Did God tell him how many freckles he has on his face? I tried to count them once. Did his teeth ever come in? Were they as crooked as they looked like they were going to be? I know. His earthly body is still here (we were explaining that again today to Jacob at the cemetery). It's just helps to speculate, I suppose.

To those of you that remembered that today was what it is, thank you. It blesses me so much when people remember. It keeps him "alive" in a weird sort of way? Sometimes, I worry that other people forget he was here altogether (though I know they don't) and when other people mention him, it makes me happy that he's still in their mind and heart.

Last night, I sat and listened to a song that I normally avoid. As I did, I pictured him in each stage of his life. It's SO hard to remember sometimes (with any of my children, really). My favorite part, which is the hardest to hear, is the end. I love the way it's worded.

"Weak and wounded sinner,
Lost and left to die,
O, raise your head for Love is passing by

Come to Jesus,
Come to Jesus,
Come to Jesus and live

Now your burden's lifted,
And carried far away,
And precious blood has washed away the stain... so

Sing to Jesus ,
Sing to Jesus ,
Sing to Jesus and live

And like a newborn baby,
Don't be afraid to crawl,
And remember when you walk sometimes we fall... so

Fall on Jesus,
Fall on Jesus,
Fall on Jesus and live

Sometimes the way is lonely,
And steep and filled with pain,
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain... then

Cry to Jesus,
Cry to Jesus,
Cry to Jesus and live

O, and when the love splills over,
And music fills the night,
And when you can't contain you joy inside... then

Dance for Jesus,
Dance for Jesus,
Dance for Jesus and live

And with your final heartbeat,
Kiss the world goodbye,
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side... and

Fly to Jesus,
Fly to Jesus,
Fly to Jesus and live"

When Caleb passed away, someone gave us a copy of L.B. Cowman's daily devotional, "Streams in the Desert". Matt and I have read it together on several occasions. It's almost scary how this book coincides with our lives. Date for date, the words are always timely.

We keep it in the car which might seem strange, but for us it works. The boys and I were waiting in the car to leave for church this morning and I happened to pick it up, realizing that I had never looked at the August 5th reading. I turned to the page. The following is what I found there:

God was "pleased" (I Cor. 1:21) to take my youngest child from this world, under circumstances that caused me severe trials and pain (note - I don't remember reading before that she had lost a child). And as I returned home from the church cemetery, having just laid my little one's body in the grave, I felt a compulsion to preach to my people on the meaning of trials.

I found that the verse "My grace is sufficient for you" was the text of next week's Sunday School lesson, so I chose it as my Master's message to the congregation, as well as His message to me. Yet while trying to write the sermon, I found that in all honesty, I could not say that the words were true in my life. Therefore, I knelt down and asked the Lord to make His grace sufficient for me. While I was pleading in this way, I opened my eyes and saw this exact verse framed and hanging on the wall. My mother had given it to me a few days before, when I was still at the vacation resort where our little child had been taken from us. I had asked someone to hang it on the wall at home during my absence but had not yet noticed its words. Now as I looked up and wiped my eyes, the words met my gaze: "My grace is sufficient for you."

The word is was highlighted in bright green, while the words my and you were painted yet another color. In a moment, a message flashed straight to my soul, coming as a rebuke for having prayed such a prayer as, "Lord, make Your grace sufficient for me." His answer was almost an audible voice that said, "How dare you ask for something that is? I can not make my grace any more sufficient than I have already made it. Get up and believe it, and you will find it to be true in your life."

Life is hard. The bible says it will be. But we serve a God who has sufficient grace. Do I always feel so much at peace with this fact? No. I still have nights that I scream out in my head to God about my loss. Whether I chose to live in His grace or not, it's still there be offered.

I love and miss my son and can't wait until I get to hold him again. Until then, I want to seek God out for my purpose on this grain of sand and will really try to live in that state of offered grace.

Blessings and love.

My first Thursday Thirteen!

Well, as promised (it is August, you know), it's time for me to finally start doing the Thursday Thirteen as inspired by my friend, Ami.



Thirteen Things about Katy 1. I am not an animal lover in particular. I always felt like I SHOULD be because my sister is, but I tend to only love an animal if it's mine. 2. I am a "people person". Though I like time alone now and then, I really prefer to be around others and tend to function better that way. 3. I would really like to be on a game show before I die. 4. I am VERY good at French braiding hair, though I have no girls. Weird. I know. A friend's mom taught me at the campground we frequented when I was in middle school and it worked for me. I make them nice and tight and they stay in for awhile. 5. I stink at most sports. The only one I'm even remotely good at is foosball (table soccer) which may not even be a real sport. 6. I have no wisdom teeth. I was born without them, as was my sister. Jealous? 7. I am so freaked out by bats that I can't even walk by their display at the zoo. I've gotten a little better, but I'm still not a fan. 8. This may be over-sharing, but I have a tendency to pee my pants as a result of laughing too hard. It's happened on several occasions. I don't want to miss out on what's going on enough to go use the bathroom. That's just sad. 9. I am a board game freak! I've had to put myself on restriction from buying any more. I wish I had more time and people around more often who liked to play. Cranium anyone? 10. Creating things is very life-giving for me. I love a lot of crafts especially crochet, sewing and scrap booking. 11. I am not fond of my middle name (sorry Mom). It's Kay and kind of boring. Plus, it only sounds right if you use my full name, Kathryn, which no one does. I have kind of an obsession with names, especially long interesting ones. Truthfully, I've always wanted to change it to Elizabeth. 12. I've realized that I'm a bit of a picky eater, though I used to not consider myself that. There are a lot of foods that normal people eat that I simply don't care for. Some include iced tea, watermelon, pickles, mustard, green peppers and cottage cheese. 13. I like to sing and play the piano. You might have already known this! If you're a blogging friend, please join me with your own Thursday Thirteens!! Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)


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Yesterday...

Fifteen years ago yesterday, I married the man who continues to be my best friend. He's smart, funny, resilient, sweet, thoughtful and cute!

I never realized that day how much we would be required to go through together as a couple, but God is true to His word; He would never give us more than we could handle without His help. Together, Matt and I have driven seven different cars, moved about six times, been through four labors and deliveries, bought two houses, had three pets (not counting numerous carnival goldfish) and kissed probably a million times (yea!).

We've been though highs like getting something for which we've prayed, moving to an area we love, releasing a CD and celebrating birthdays and other special days. We've been through lows ranging from disappointments and financial distress to burying our son.

When we started dating, we decided to take life one day at a time and, though we (especially I) get tempted to rush ahead in our minds sometimes, this thought still seems to work.

We're excited and thankful about the first 15 years together and look forward to what's ahead...

The whole tooth and nothing but the tooth...

I don't know if he's afraid they won't come back or something, but Micah HATES to lose teeth. He seriously will fight it to the bitter end. The last two came out in June -- one coming in contact with a sandwich (yeah, that's how loose it was) and the other with a little help from Daddy.

Well, the last front tooth was hanging on by a thread, and despite how gross that is, I mean it literally. We were hanging out in Harborplace mall, trying to keep dry on the Fourth of July and Jess told me she and Micah had a "secret". He showed her that his tooth was just barely in. I, of course, pretended like I knew nothing (which for me is unfortunately easy sometimes!) and we went on our way.

So just before the fireworks didn't happen (see previous post), Micah's tooth made it's timely exit.



There's something just so darn cute about both front teeth being gone. Caleb had his out for his first grade picture and it was too cute.

Oh, and I did NOT forget to be the tooth fairy this time. Ha.

More to come about Micah. He turns eight in nine days in New York. How cool is that?

Somebody PLEASE stop this train…

…so I can at least take a nap or something! OH MY GOODNESS, the past six weeks have been CRAZY busy. (Do you like my incessant use of caps?). I am so sorry I haven’t blogged. Thank you, oh faithful ones, who have continued to check up on here, though all you’ve been finding is the same blog about rain. Boring, I know.

I figured I’ll recap at least, so you won’t think I’m just slacking and making all this “busy” hosh posh up. Buckle up and please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.

I’ll go backward which, for my little mind, is much easier!

As I type this, I’m sitting in the music room of Community Christian Fellowship (CCF) in Lowell, Massachusetts which is our home for the next week. We’re beginning week three of our summer missions tour. We’ve done a Chain Reaction (CR) week at CCF Lowell for the last two years, though this is fifth year of doing a CR week in this area – we did two years in Haverhill, MA previously. This time, CCF has taken it upon themselves to do the event and we were invited to come and be a part of it. They’re calling it Caleb’s Dream, which is also an honor. Matt was the first speaker last night and was able to share about Caleb’s life. It’s all another step in the healing process. We’re looking forward to being a part of this week.

We kicked off in Baltimore this year which is actually quite monumental. We’ve attempted to do a week in Baltimore for the last two years and have run against obstacles that have stopped the event both years. We had a great group from Howard County. There were about 20 of them and they already came with a servant attitude. They embraced the CR concept quickly and whole-heartedly and were a joy with which to work. We were also thrilled to be joined by Lee and Debra, Jeremy DelRio and Ramon – all good friends and fellow ministers. Our fun day was Wednesday which happened to be the 4th of July. We went downtown in the afternoon and attempted to see the fireworks. However, God thought it would be really funny to see us all soaking wet before the night was over. About 15 minutes before the fireworks were scheduled to start and after managing to stay dry through intermittent sprinkles throughout the day, the day completely opened up on us and we got SOAKED! I mean, we’re talking all the way down to the underwear soaked. We still managed to have fun, though. My BFF Jess and her roomie Ali came with us and they are the very definition of fun.

CR Baltimore actually ended being more tiring than I thought it would be. Micah, Jacob and I stayed at the house so it was early out the door, come home late every day and we even had a family from Ohio that came staying with us two of those nights. I did crowdbreakers/scripture songs each morning and worship with our intern/staff dude, Jesse, each evening. By then end of the week, I had NO voice left. It’s all good, but was exhausting all the same! (Click on Jeremy's link in the right column. He has lots of pics on his blog... and his blog is cool to boot. You really should be reading it anyway)

We have three interns this year; Josh, Jesse who is a young man that we’ve known for awhile and our nephew, Zak. They stayed at our house all last week training and preparing for the next month of ministry. OK. Come a little closer. I have to tell you a secret… the most awesome thing about the past week was that I didn’t have to grocery shop OR cook! Matt decided that part of their process included meal planning, preparation, etc. so Katy did NOT have to cook at all this week! Yea! Happy me.

OK. Before that, I flew to Ohio for a weekend. My mom and sister have been involved in an a capella (that means no instrumental accompaniment for my non-musical friends out there) women’s barbershop singing organization called Sweet Adelines for years – seriously, my mom has been singing with them like all my life. Anyway, Sweet Adelines has competitions for quartets (that’s four women for you math whizzes) and my mom and sister have competed in various quartets over the years. Well, we’ve always wanted to sing in a quartet together and have decided, with many factors under consideration, that with the addition of my mom’s friend, Pat, now is the time for us to do a quartet. Now the challenge comes with the fact that we have one in Baltimore, one in Nashville and two in Ohio. So we’re practicing hard on our own and getting together quarterly (roughly). I’ll keep you informed…

Before that, it was the last week of school. The boys were very glad to be done. They all did well this year. Actually, just a few days ago, we got Josh’s final report card. He did very well, especially for his first year back in public school after three years of being homeschooled and one year or Christian school. He got all A’s and B’s as his final grades. We are very proud!



This takes us back to the weekend of June 15-17. I like to refer to this weekend as my “Kamikazee” weekend! Thursday, my parents came in for a visit. My mom and I both had had birthdays leading up to that and wanted to celebrate, along with an overdue party for Jacob’s birthday on Saturday. What my mom didn’t know was that my sister was flying in Friday night to surprise her (and we pulled it off, too which is HUGE because my mom is suspicious and hard to surprise!). Saturday, we had Jacob’s party and then took Mom and Dad out to a nice dinner for her birthday and Father’s Day, respectively. The next day (Sunday), we went to church and then, since I didn’t have anything ELSE going on that weekend, I had a recital for 13 of my 29 students! It actually went very well and my sister was able to stick around and be featured as a guest artist. We even sang a duet together. How fun.



My birthday weekend was before that. We had our friend, Lee, who Matt was in DOC with many years ago, and his wife, Debra, and their two boys here. They did a concert Friday evening at Moravia Assembly of God (incidentally, where we had the Baltimore CR) and ministered at New Covenant Tabernacle on Sunday morning. In between, we did Ft. McHenry and Annapolis. The day of my birthday (Friday the 8th), my friend Lynn picked Debra and Jess and I up early and we went out to breakfast and then on to see Joyce Meyer. It was really wonderful and the perfect way to spend my 35th birthday (I know, I’m old).

Whew.

Well, I think that catches me up. If you read all of this, I’ll buy you a coffee or something sometime! I hope my blogging can get regular once we’re done with the next three weeks; this one in Lowell, next week in New York City and then back to Massachusetts to Haverhill for one more week. We are looking forward to company in August, along with returning to teaching piano part-time, football for Josh and of course, one more month before we return to the routine of school and full-time work.

I’ll get back to my Happiness is… Fridays and actually want to do the Thursday Thirteen as inspired my my dear friend, Ami.

Hope you’re all having a great summer so far. God is good.

(Thanks for reading. It means a lot to me ☺ )

Rain

I am SO glad it rained yesterday. We got a little smooch from tropical storm Barry. Everything was looking so dead and feeling so brittle, but now the grass, trees and flowers look refreshed and alive again. Not quite as green as they should yet, but more alive all the same. It's so nice. Plus, it's like ten degrees cooler than it was and the humidity is much more bearable.

I like weather. God is smart.

(PS - only 4 more days until my birthday!)

Happiness is...

...having a sister!

I never told you what happened to the van.

When we came home from spring break in Ohio about a month ago, we stopped at Westfield Dodge in Westfield, New York to trade in our van for one with a little less mileage and some other extra niceties. We LOVE our new van! It has the Stow and Go seats, automatic opening doors, power locks that work(!), ponies, confetti... OK. Maybe not the last two, but it's cool all the same. Micah named the van Sally.



About two weeks ago, Matt was driving home from a prayer meeting on route 70. The car beside him lost control of her vehicle and started to fishtail. She ended up with her front end in our passenger side. Fortunately, Matt was alone in the car and no one was hurt (he was a little shaken and stiff the next day, but is fine). The other driver totally admited fault and felt bad for what had happened.



On another fortunate note, the other driver also has great insurance coverage. Our van is in the shop until the beginning of June and we are driving a Chrysler Town and Country that is even a little nicer than our new van.

So, though this made a few days particularly stressful, I am also very thankful for God's grace and all of the "best case scenarios" here. Even though we only got to drive our new car for about three weeks, I still have a husband who is in one piece, I am driving a car even nicer than the one we bought and all is generally well with the world.

So be blessed little campers.

And be careful out there.

Happiness is...

...my husband catching the biggest fish he has ever caught on Tuesday! He got to go out in the bay on a fishing boat compliments of his friend, Richard.

Needless to say he was a happy camper... er fisherman.

And I might add that we had a delicious fish dinner that night!

Way to go, babe!

Six years ago today...

...this little monkey came into the world.

Now, mind you, if he had come on time, his birthday would have been over two weeks ago! But, alas, today my baby, my final-born turned six. (See how much he's grown since last year.)



Jacob pretty much thinks that the world should stop and do whatever he commands on his birthday. He didn't have school yesterday. Because of conferences? No. According to him, because of his birthday. We actually had to have a little talk last night to clarify that having a birthday does not justify acting however we want. Believe it or not, I've spanked on birthdays before (gasp!).



Now here's the slightly amusing part. We were a little rushed tonight because Matt and I were going to the Youth for Christ banquet (more about that later) but we didn't want Jay's special day to go by without doing anything to celebrate. We are going to have an official party in a few weeks, but really wanted to commemorate today... well, today. So after the boys got home from school, Matt went to Baskin Robbins to get an ice cream cake. Meanwhile, I fed the boys their dinner and got ready for the cake. Now, even though I've used them since we moved, I couldn't find my candles anywhere. Blast! The only thing I could find were the special number candles: 0, 1 and 5 (which can conveniently be made into any combination of 1, 10, 5, 15, etc.) I was starting to panic a little. I had to have something for this kid to blow out! I discussed my predicament with Josh and he suggested, "Why don't we just use the 5 and 1 because 5 plus 1 is 6?" Time was running out so that was exactly what we did.

So even though it looks like my son turned 51 today, he really is only 6! Oh what a wacky, weird life we lead!

Happy birthday, Jay Jay!

A favor...

Hey friends.

Just a quick favor.

I was wondering if you happen to read this before Sunday morning, if you could pray for me. I've been asked to sing and share at our friends Pastor Tom and Rosalind Swind's church tomorrow morning. I don't mind the singing part, but speaking always makes me nervous -- plus Mother's Day can be a bit of a difficult holiday for me. I am actually going to share about Caleb tomorrow and tell my story of God's goodness and faithfulness in the midst of sorrow. Please pray that God speaks to the hearts of the people beyond my words.

Thanks... and a very beautiful Mother's Day to my mother (of course;-) and all my mommy friends out there!

Happiness is...

...ordering pizza online. Not having to mess with human contact on this one is kinda nice :-)

Now, THIS is stuff you need to know...

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Katy!

1. Katy was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants.
2. If you toss Katy 10000 times, she will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because her head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom!
3. About 100 people choke to death on Katy each year!
4. There is no lead in a lead pencil - it is simply a stick of graphite mixed with Katy and water.
5. Katy is the male seed of a flower blossom which has been gathered and treated by bees!
6. While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes dressed up as Katy.
7. Katy can grow up to three feet in a 24 hour period.
8. There are six towns named Katy in the United States!
9. The first toy product ever advertised on television was Mr Katy Head!
10. Owls cannot move their eyes, because their eyeballs are shaped like Katy.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

You can't handle the tooth

As somewhat "typical" Christian parents, my husband and I decided early on that we wouldn't put a lot of emphasis on the imaginary holiday characters like Santa and the Easter Bunny. We're not super dogmatic about it, but we don't usually initiate or make a big deal out of them. If one of the boys brings up Santa Clause in conjunction with Christmas we don't jump down his throat, but we do tell them that St. Nicholas was a historical figure and that their gifts come from family and friends. Wow. We're fun, huh.

For me, however, there is one exception.

I love the tooth fairy. And, yes, I lie to my children and tell them the tooth fairy takes their teeth and leaves currency in exchange. I really get into, too. When they ask questions about this and that with the tooth fairy I make up all kinds of stories and well-known facts pertaining to our winged friend. It seems that I've gotten more into it with my younger two than our older two. When Joshua or Caleb would lose a tooth, I'd put money under their pillow, but let tham know that it was good ol' Mom and Dad and not some fictional nymph.

I don't know. Maybe I'm loosening up in my old age. I think when I was a newer parent I was more concerned about the "correct" way to parent and now I see the value or having fun with this stuff.

So Micah lost tooth #3 last night (with a little help from his father and some dental floss). Immediately, we discussed the techniques of exactly where to leave the tooth, how the tooth fairy will find it, and what her plans are for said tooth.

So I tucked my little darlings in with the mental reminder to give Micah some time to fall asleep and then do the switcheroo.

There was only one problem.

I totally forgot.

See, 24 was really good last night and I was folding mounds of laundry at the same time and... I just forgot. So at 6:30 this morning, a very panicked 7-year-old is standing by by bed whining, "I can't find my tooth!" I rolled over toward Matt and mouthed "Oh crap. I forgot," and then in the same breath, "Let me go look for it, bud. Sometimes she makes the money hard to find." I headed upstairs, first to my wallet and got a dollar out and went into the top bunk. He was right. I couldn't find the tooth either (I did find it later when I was making his bed). So I headed back down with the dollar and all was well with the world.

My husband told him, "You're lucky. When I was a little kid, I only had a quarter under my pillow."

Micah said, "When you put a little kid under your pillow, you get a quarter?"




So though I may not be the best tooth fairy in the world, I've decided to make the most of it with the teeth we have left. Micah has several more to go and Jacob hasn't lost any yet. I'm imagining the tooth fairy may leave them not just dollars but notes and glitter and whatever else I can come up with.

And next time, I will try really hard not to forget.

Dirt

Ask me what I did today...





Well, thanks for asking.

We had dirt delivered today. Our front yard is a little patchy and uneven, so my husband went this week and ordered some dirt to fill in the front and grow some grass.

My husband is in Texas doing a Chain Reaction weekend at our friend Pastor Kevin's church. So I was given instructions to tell the dirt dude to back his truck up into the yard and dump the dirt there.

Well, the dirt dude shows up this morning (wearing khaki pants and a white shirt, which I thought was a strange outfit in which to deliver dirt) and says he can't get his truck in our yard that way and he's going to have to dump it somewhere else. I can tell this is NOT going to be good, but agree to let him dump it in the driveway, and I know my husband is not going to be happy because dirt indeed goes in a yard, not a driveway.

So, yeah. He's not happy. And I'm looking at the dirt thinking, "How hard can it be to move some dirt?"

Well, three hours later I have my answer.

Dirt is heavy, by the way.

Two shovels, a hoe, a wheel barrow, my 13-year-old son and my friend, Rachel, and I got all of that dirt into the yard and, though I know my arms and back will probably be aching tomorrow, I'm pretty proud of us. It was a lot of dirt and a lot of work but it's done and my husband was pleasantly surprised when I told him.

So that's what I did today. I moved a big pile of dirt. I could probably create some wonderful analogy of how that pile of dirt is like our lives and how we can overcome just one shovelful at a time....

... but I'm too tired!

Happiness is...

All of the beautiful, colorful things growing in my yard right now!!

Hey! I'm blogging again...

Wow.

I kind of missed the whole month of April, huh.

For those of you who have still been checking in and seeing the SAME DARN POSTS -- sorry.

I recently contacted a friend on myspace to ask him how he was doing and his respose was as follows:

Life is pretty good right now. I feel this tendency to say life is busy, but that's not it. Life is full. Which is a good thing. It's not overly exciting, but it's purposeful.

I decided that I really like that response. It sums up very well how I feel about our life lately. Things have been so busy that I feel like someone hit me on the head on New Years Day and I just now woke up and discovered that it's May! When did time get to galloping along so fast?

In the past month, we've celebrated Easter, dyed hard-boiled eggs and discovered our yard is perfect for an easter egg hunt, enjoyed a trip to Ohio to see family and friends over spring break, mourned the senseless death of 32 innocent people in the Virginia Tech shootings, lead worship twice at Emmanuel Christian Fellowship in York, PA, took on three new students, did four scrapbook pages, made another trip to Ohio (this time just me :-) for a Women of Faith conference and to see family and friends, met some great new friends, got the boys' 3rd quarter report cards and celebrated my husband's 38th birthday (he's old! hee hee).

No excuse not to blog, mind you, but busy all the same.

So I've got pictures and stories to share, but not tonight. I will leave you with a thought, though (and will get back to my Happiness is... Fridays tomorrow).

I flew out of BWI airport a week ago today. It was an overcast day. The half-filled plane took off in a fairly smooth manner and I began to settle into my window seat and enjoy the flight. I was tired, having gotten only about four and a half hours of sleep the night before in my preparation for leaving my boys for four days.

I must tell you that I'm the type of person whose mood is affected by the weather. On sunny days, I tend to be more productive and just in a beter mood overall. When it is rainy or overcast, I would be better off just going back to bed!

It wasn't raining, but the sky was gray. As the plane rose higher, I watched the houses, roads and cars get smaller. Soon, we were in the middle of a cloud, surrounded by it's white/gray fuzz. I got bored and considered closing my eyes and trying to get some sleep (not that I ever sleep well in airplanes).

Then, all of the sudden, it was sunny. As much as I hate to admit my stupidity, my first thought was, "I thought today was supposed to be overcast," but then I realized the sun was shining because we were over the clouds now. The day, or every day for that matter, was already sunny -- just covered by clouds.

My thought quickly turned to my life and some things I've walked through in the past few years. On my "cloudiest" days -- layers of grieving for my son, staying silent when lies were being told about me and my husband, even the intense pain of a kidney stone -- the sun was always shining. It just didn't feel sunny.

The thought literally brought tears to my eyes. I was brought to a realization that God is always there. I know that sounds really simple, but I think I forget that sometimes. It's so easy to focus on the fact that the sun isn't shining and forget that God is just on the other side of the clouds.

I hope you wake up and see the sun tomorrow -- whether it's behind the clouds or not!

(and thanks for sticking in there during my absence!)

Happiness is...

...going to the Mayland Fire Museum with you son's second grade class.

(Pictures coming tomorrow. It's been a very busy week and I'm too tired tonight!)

Happiness is...

Wearing stickers on your arm and a paper clip necklace around your neck!

Space... the final frontier

I am coming to certain realizations in my life. Matt and I together are also coming to realizations as a couple and a family. One of those realizations is that we want to spend time on things that are life-giving. Now, we understand stewardship and responsibility are huge factors in that -- that is to say, we can't just spend all of our time doing things we enjoy if we don't first have our family physically, financially, emotionally and spiritually cared for. With that being understood, the rest of the time we have needs to be spent doing things that bring life to us as a family.

I'll take it a step more toward the personal.

I am a creator (not THE creator. That's God. Duh). I find creating things to be very life giving; mainly music and crafts. Music is obvious. That's what I do and love. The craft thing is a bit of an addiction -- I've had to limit myself to three; crochet, sewing and my new one, scrapboooking. I've tried to figure out what's up with this particular obsession. I stockpile fabric, yarn, paper, buttons, baby food jars... you name it. I suppose it all comes back to the creating thing. It's life-giving to me.

So here's the problem...

As you probably know, we've been in this house for less than a year. Fortunately, my husband is very good to me (don't be jealous, ladies :-) and has allowed me ONE WHOLE ROOM to be my very own and devoted to crafts (and other stuff having to do with stuff I need to do, too, but mainly to crafts!). Again, that problem I mentioned? The room is not "done" yet. It actually became an overflow room for "crap" (pardon my language. I mean it figuratively, not literally) as we've gotten settled into the house.

The grand realization -- there is a bit of frustration in my day to day mind because I don't have the SPACE to be creative like I want to be (not for lack of house, but excess of unorganization). And I suppose the main reason I'm blogging all of this is so that I will be kind of accountable to get this room done. The ball lies in my court really. And I'm not that far from having it done. I just have to sort through a little more of the aforementioned crap (I've done a lot of it already), buy curtain fabric, match and buy a paint color, prime and paint the room and arrange everything in a conducive way to do what needs to be done. Simple, huh.

So should I set a date? Jeesh, that's scary. I guess I will and you can all hunt me down and tickle me if I don't get it done.

OK. (ahem) The date by which I want to have my craft room/office done is... Sunday, April 22.

I just wrote it on my calendar... in pen.

Oooo. That's scary. Roughly a month away with a Spring Break mixed in. It's right before I fly to Ohio for Women of Faith, though, so maybe I could consider that my reward :-) I like rewards.

Thanks for reading. Just trying to figure myself out here. I'll keep you updated on my progress!

Happiness is...

...scrapbooking with my friend, Lynn, while listening to '80s music.

Life seriously does not get much better.

American Idol

I like American Idol. I managed to get sucked in about every year.

This year, my money is on Melinda Doolittle. Period.

I liked LaKisha at first, but after Ms. Doolittle delivered her interpretation of "My Funny Valentine" a few weeks ago, I changed camps. I still like LaKisha and a couple of others, but I'll say it again, Melinda gets my vote.

I think there are a few in the top 12 that really shouldn't be there. There are a couple of contestants that try to cover up lack of vocal quality with runs and fancy schmancy singing. No thanks. I guess we'll just wait as there are picked off one by one.

Rumore has it that they're raising the age limit to 35 next year. I've always wanted to go for it, but have been too old. Not now.

Hmmmm....

Congratulations!

First of all, sending out a big happy birthday to my daddy today! Yea!

Second of all, my friend, Kate, had her baby today. His name is Jonas Caleb and he weighed TEN pounds and was 23 inches long! Whoo hoo. From all reports I hear, Kate and Jonas are both doing well.

Happy birthday, little man. Welcome to the world!

Ahhhh!

I am sitting here, listening to my five-year-old crying in his bed because I threw away his old toothbrush (which was a little gross, by the way). Mind you, he has a perfectly good, much cooler (in my opinion) toothbrush.

And yet he cries.

Sometimes, you just can't win.

Happiness is...

Old mailbox...

New mailbox...

100th Post!

Well, friends, this is officially my 100th post. How cool am I? I thought I would compose some somgs to commemorate the occasion (of course, I've stolen the melodies so you, the at-home viewer, can sing along):

100 Posts
(sung to the tune of "O Christmas Tree")

100 posts, 100 posts,
I've written just 100 posts,
(repeat)
100 times to laugh and cry,
I'll tell the truth and never lie.

100 posts, 100 posts,
I'll now shoot for 200 posts!



The Star Spangled Posts (work with me here!)
(if you don't know what this is sung to, then you have issues)

Oh say, can you read, by the computers light,
All my posts on my blog that come out of my head,
I like to write about life,
And my kids and my house,
And on every Friday, I can post something happy.
And the posts shall go on, through the days and the years,
And I hope, in the midst, you won't shed many tears,
Oh say does that blog of Katy's still say,
That she's happy to be here, posting blogs everyday!
(Ta da!)

Katy's Blog
(Sung to the tune of "The Yellow Rose of Texas")

Oh the blog of my friend Katy, is always fun to read,
She writes about some silly stuff, yes, silly stuff indeed.
There are links to other blogs there that are also fun to read,
Like Becca, Ami, Jen, Melissa - lots of stuff you need.

And one more...

Post Now!
(Sung to the chorus of "Oh Susanna")

Come on, Katy,
And post a blog for me,
'Cause if you don't I will be so sad,
And won't ask you out to tea.

OK. That's all I've got. Thanks for reading... 100 times!

I heart eggs

I made myself a scrambled egg yesterday. When I opened the egg carton, I saw...Now, I'm not sure why, but that made me smile.

I hope your eggs think you're beautiful, too.
(I know I do)

Happiness is...

The Office... it's SO very funny!

Too much sickness!

Hey everybody. I hope the sicknesses of winter have not been having their way with your family like they have with mine! There have been two brands of sickness with the Stevens: one is a not-quite-24-hour stomach that involves a decent amount of vomit, the other is a stuffy head, cold thingy. The latter sent Jacob to the doctor's office today with a diagnosis of a nasty ear infection coupled with bronchitis (which she said would have been pneumonia in another day).

So I've said all that to say that I hope your family is faring better than ours. Fortunately, we're on the tail-end of everything.

Stay healthy and warm!

Happiness is...

...wearing your pajamas to school!




(NOTE: this is the first in my new series of Friday Happiness is... posts. Enjoy!)

February 21, 1995

Twelve years ago today, after four very easy hours of labor, our son, Caleb, came into this world. He was such a good baby – very sweet, slept a lot, really not any trouble at all. That’s pretty much the way the rest of his ten years went.

You know, life is really strange sometimes. When your child is born, you just naturally assume that you’ll never have to experience life without them. Little did we know, as we stroked his little head, that ten years was all we were going to have with him. I’m strangely comforted, though, in the fact that God knew. He had a mission for Caleb from the very start and knew that his journey would be shorter than most.



It’s natural for me to want to speculate about Caleb on his birthday or any random day, really. I want to wonder how tall he would have been now, how he would have liked middle school, if he would have had a girlfriend. But I’ve realized that there is no use in speculating. Caleb was never meant to turn twelve today. As hard as that is to swallow, God had a ten-year mission for him on this side of eternity. That’s all. We can “what if” and “how come” until we’re blue in the face, but the fact is that God has all of our days written out and that His plan supercedes all.

Our son’s life has and will continue to touch others. Whether it’s someone hearing of his faith or how God has sustained us through these events, God WILL be glorified in this situation.

Please don’t get me wrong, friends. My heart is breaking on this milestone day. I can’t put into words how much I miss my son. It’s just that eternity seems so close sometimes. My husband was with our son as he slipped from one side of time to the other and it doesn’t seem that far away (and at other times seems like an eternity in itself!).

(Joshua - 16 months, Caleb - a few weeks old; March 1995)

I will say it again and again. Each and every day is a gift from God. He promised us that it would be hard, but with His strength to get through it. I see His love and compassion through so many thinking of us today – friends who have, in the midst of their own busy lives and schedules, taken the time to remember that today is a notable on for our family. For that, I am so blessed and thankful.

God is good, my friends. Please rest in that today.

Night at the Museum

We took the boys to see "Night at the Museum" today. It was a great, very family friendly movie -- cleanest family film we've seen since Narnia. The cast was stellar; I especially enjoyed Dick Van Dyke. He's still amazing after years of entertaining. Micah even recognized him from "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" (one of his favorites). Ben Stiller never ceases to be entertaining. He's loveable in his typical dorky manner.

This is one movie worth seeing in theaters, too. It has a lot of "big" effects. From the dinosaurs, to the stagecoach to the wooly mammoth -- it's big, loud, kinda shiny and fast.

There is a strong thread of character and stepping up to challenges throughout the film. Robin Williams' entertaining dipiction of Theodore Roosevelt is a pivotal part in driving this concept home. Actually, there's a great amount of history snuck in throughout the whole film.

I really recommend this one, especially before it hits the DVD shelves.

Who's Your Daddy Now?

Hello friends. I have some cool stuff to share.

Matt and I have a good friend by the name of Dr. Doug Stringer. Doug is the founder and dude-in-charge of a ministry based out of Houston, TX called Somebody Cares America. Doug is getting ready to release his new book, Who's Your Daddy Now. We are humbled to be included in this new publication. Please read the excerpt below:

Excerpt From Who’s Your Daddy Now?
By Doug Stringer
Chapter 5: Leading by Example

I gained some insight about a commonly used biblical phrase, “laying on of hands.” Even though hands were laid on people to impart healing and ordain them to ministry, one of the original roots of the practice was to pass on "the blessing" from one generation to another, like Jacob did with his sons.

Laying on of hands is not something you can do by phone, e-mail, or fax. You have to be there. One of the tragedies for many young people today is that they don't have parents who are truly there for them, in person and by example. They don’t have dads and moms present in person to impart to them the value or even the techniques of interaction. . .

Matt, an emerging generational leader, told me how he demonstrated the love of God in this way to his oldest son, Joshua, who was 12 at the time. Josh is strong and muscular and growing up very much in the image of his dad.

Matt and his wife, Katy, coordinate a youth initiative throughout the Northeast including Baltimore, New York City, and various locations in New England. One day, during an outreach in Lowell, Massachusetts, the teams of young people were in an intense time of prayer and worship. They had been out all day serving the community with work projects.

Just a year earlier, I had been the keynote speaker for their outreach in that same community. Several of the interns ministered to me during a time of prayer led by Matt and Katy’s 10-year-old son Caleb, who had been a pivotal part of the outreach with his energy, zeal, and enthusiasm. Just a few days after I left, Caleb went to be with Jesus as the result of a car accident.

Josh was also in the accident, but survived. A year later, he was still reeling from all that happened. During this time of prayer and worship, he went off by himself, feeling tired, fearful, and confused. As Matt tells the story:

Knowing Josh had suffered a loss no 12-year-old can easily endure, I walked up behind him and put my hand on his shoulder. He was slouched in his seat, and his face was covered so no one would see him crying. I leaned over to gently speak in his ear and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I don't know.”
I knew that meant I should ask again.
“What’s the matter?”
He told me he felt scared, like God was far away from him.
The Holy Spirit quickened me to ask him: “Do you know how close God is?”
“No.”
I quickly replied, saying; “He is this close.”
I then scooped down and gripped him, putting my arms around him and hugging him as long and as hard as I could.
Josh didn’t need my theology or thoughts at that point. He needed a tangible understanding of how much God loves him and how close He really is.
Later that evening, he thanked me and asked, “What do kids do when they feel far from God and don’t have a dad to hold them?”
Even in his youth, Josh recognized the need for human touch, for the tangible touch of a father.

One Christmas, a team of five families from Warren, Pennsylvania came to Houston, giving up their own holiday to serve others during our Holiday of Hope ministry and other Christmas outreaches. As one of the dads on the team was helping a five-year-old girl and her mom pick out Christmas toys from our fellowship hall, the little girl looked up to him and said, “Could you give me a hug for my daddy? I don’t have a daddy.” He hugged her as he held back his tears.

God depends on us to be that father in the flesh to those who don’t have a dad to hold them. Let us not be afraid to impart this intimacy. Let us not be afraid to “be there,” in person and by example. It was no mistake He chose to pass on blessings through the laying on of hands.

Pretty cool, huh.

You can pre-order Doug's book by clicking here. We would be thrilled if you did.

My son is throwing up...

...which is really a shame because school is cancelled today because of snow. I told Josh that he is wasting a perfectly good snow day and THAT, my friends, is a shame. Seriously, though, he looks quite pitiful and I hope he feels better soon... and that he doesn't pass this to anyone else in the family!

Anybody want to fight?

Prize fighters fight for a prize. Freedom fighters fight for freedom. Fire fighters fight fire. Crime fighters fight crime.

What does a foo fighter fight?




Foo?



What is that?

What the...?

People can't even spank their own kids anymore? What is this world coming to?

Sunday

NOTE: I tried to post this yesterday (Monday) but blogspot was being quite stubborn. So jump in your time machine... and read it yesterday.

So I guess I’m a big liar.

I really should have learned in my 34 years of life to never use the words, “I promise.” Sets you up for no good often enough.

Yeah, so I didn’t blog. I am encouraged, however, that there have been some peeps checking up on me, so if you’re still tuning in despite my absence… thanks ☺ It really does mean a lot.

When I was a kid, I tried on many occasions to keep a diary. I would do well for while and then fall behind. I would then make a list of the things I wanted to record – dates and events – so I could do everything in order to make it look like I didn’t let huge amounts of time lapse. In retrospect, that was a little silly. I’ve decided not to do that here. As tempted as I am to “back-blog” about lots of cool stuff, I will not. I will blog today about what’s on my mind and as past stuff comes to it, I’ll include it. So there. If that means New Year’s party pictures in March, so be it.

Please keep reading, dear reader. I’ve got some interesting stuff on the noggin to share.

Yesterday was Sunday. Matt and I have a good friend named Rachel whom we’ve known for about seven years -- ever since we’ve been in Baltimore actually. She and her good-looking crew of boys joined us at church yesterday which was really cool. We’ve been hoping she could visit for a long time. We loaded up all the kiddos after the service with plans to drive across the street to the mall for lunch. We pulled up in front to see if Rach had gotten the message of where to meet us when her oldest son, Gavin, said, “Miss Katy, my mom said she has someone inside that she wants you to meet.” So I hustled inside.

There are times in your life where God just sets you up in a very cool way. Allow me to rewind for a moment. Over a year ago, I had heard of a family who’s daughter (five years old at the time) was diagnosed with a face tumor. We prayed for Christina at our women’s Bible study (ironically held at Rachel’s apartment) and at school last year with my 6th graders. Rachel actually got a chance to meet and spend time with her and her family while volunteering at Johns Hopkins last fall. This past spring we heard of Christina’s passing after a long struggle and it was devastating to me. It really did hit me hard. I did hear though, in the midst of all the sorrow, that her family had an incredible testimony of faith, particularly her mother.

Well, yesterday after church, I found myself in the embrace of this mother, Trae Bennington. I had heard so much about her, I almost felt as if I were meeting a celebrity. Trae has heard part of our story and I was so thankful for the instant bond we felt. When you lose a child, there is nothing like looking in the eyes of someone who has felt the same pain. We have plans to meet for lunch soon and connect some more.

February is a hard month. Today marks 18 months since Caleb died. The 21st of this month would have been his 12th birthday. It’s still hard. Very hard some days.

There is just something very raw and refreshing about being face to face with someone who has experienced pain like you have. Our circumstances were different in that theirs was a longer process and ours was very sudden – I haven’t decided if one is “easier” than the other. I look forward to a new connection which, I feel, was set-up by God.

More to come later. Lighter stuff, like pictures of my new mailbox!


PS - If you want to click on Christina's link, the user name is christina, password is jesussaves

... and a Happy New Year

Oh my goodness, there has been so much going on -- and so much I want to blog about. Not right now. I'm on my way out the door for a date with my husband (Whoo hoo!).

I'll blog tomorrow -- I promise!

:-)

Merry Christmas!

Hello, everyone. I hope all of you out there had a wonderful day. We enjoyed a nice (relatively) quiet day at home and all enjoyed being together and relaxing.

I will blog more about my Christmas thoughts later.

The following is a video of my son, Caleb, and I singing "Star of Bethlehem" together at church back in December of 2002. He was 7 years old and did such a great job.



I sincerely pray all of you reading had a terrific day. Love to all...

The electrician is here!

Do you know what that means?

Well, I will tell you.

It means that, after six months, the lovely, new dishwasher that has been sitting in my kitchen will finally WORK!

That, my friends, is the best Christmas gift.

Sunrise and other things

Every morning, our son, Joshua, has to get up at 6:30am for school.

Yuck.

I know a lot of people all over the world get up a heck of a lot earlier but that is not my preference. I am NOT a morning person, nor have I ever been, nor will I probably ever be. Fortunately, I married a compassionate man who I willing to share the parental load. We take turns getting up with the boy while the other gets an extra hour or so of sleep.

The couch in the front room has become the nesting place while we wait for Josh to get himself in gear. The coolest part is that God knew this set-up would be taking place and arranged for a beautiful view of the sunrise while we wait. How very sweet of him. Here are some shots of this morning's beauty:







Nothing terribly earth-shattering, but I enjoyed it.

So it's five days until Christmas. There's a lot going on for us, as I'm sure there is for you as well. This past Sunday was my students' recital. Out of the 16 students I teach, 13 of them were able to participate in the recital. Everyone did very well and the recital itself went off without any major hitches.


I've finally realized that recitals are not necessarily about performing your piece perfectly. It's more about gaining the experience of playing in front of others and showcasing the skills you've gained since the LAST recital. The highlight of the event for me was getting to sing a duet with one of my older students, Jennifer. She was with me until about two years ago and is back now, her voice more mature and beautiful then ever. We sang "Mary, Did You Know?" It was nice.

The first Friday of the month, we had the Loonies Pajama Cookie Bake at my friend, Lynn's, house; an event that we have decided to make an annual thing. We all taught together last year and build ourselves a reputation of being a little too silly at times and were told we were "looney". So we have taken on the identity proudly and, even though none of us work together anymore (though we all managed to end up at the same church), we try to have our gatherings as often as possible.

The whole cookie bake thing was Lynn's idea. We all brought the ingredients to make a favorite treat and we helped each other make them. True to my Ohio roots, I brought the makings for Buckeyes. Jess did black bottoms, which is a Maryland thing. Lynnie had made oatmeal cookies and Jen did sugar cookies. Everything was good and fun and I really thank God for such awesome friends.

That's about it for now, I guess. We are looking forward to a relatively quiet Christmas here at home. Mom, Dad and Jen are driving in on the 28th to celebrate not only Christmas, but Mom and Dad's 32nd wedding anniversary as well. After that, our nephew, David, who is in the military, will be here for a few days. We're hosting a New Year's Eve party this year, so if you're not doing anything already to ring in 2007, consider doing it with us and some of our friends.

In any event, I pray you are well, readers. Be at peace, stay safe, eat lots of cookies and enjoy God's blessings this season!

Hey! Do this. It's fun and will change your life...

Create your own friendquiz here